Song of the Moment [or Not …]

[You’re going to have to find it yourself as Sony BMG seem to have stopped any chance of embedding a video of Jeff Buckley’s version of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah … it, along with a live version of Hunters and Collectors Throw Your Arms as sung by the Doug Anthony All Stars, is all I’ve been playing this evening while I try to think.]

I don’t know how to describe / transcribe / give voice to my thoughts at this moment – my mind appears to be all over the place.

Parts of it are in the midst of job hunt panic, completely reasonable given my previous history of job hunt misery. I head to London this coming week, to see a show and to get in touch with my previous recruitment agencies – even the ones who sent me to service the Evil Empire (not that I ever want to go back there, no matter how much they liked me). I also have the new complication of only being able to work for a little over four more months before I have to leave the country … which is the other problem, my visa expires at the start of February and I have to go home.

That February deadline is creeping up awfully fast, I’m not ready to go home to NZ, I’m not ready to leave the UK. I’ve already started planning my return, my options currently stand with either a) applying for my Irish working holiday visa the minute I hit ground in NZ; b) finding someone wanting to sponsor me under the new tier 5 short term cultural visas for Ed Fringe; c) finding out if I qualify to work permit free on the Festival … whatever way it turns out, I don’t plan on being in NZ for very long after the Comedy Festival is over in May.

Of course, I may feel differently in a few weeks, once I know what the deal is with Mr Man (the fella I briefly dated during the Festival, he’s on my mind more than he should be, which is to say he shouldn’t be on my mind at all, but he is) or when I have yet another soul destroying couple of weeks trying to find a job in London and, yet again, my financial situation gets dire, or when the cold truly sets in here in Edinburgh (especially if I still can’t find how to kick start the central heating in my flat – it’s bloody cold tonight).

Perhaps it’s the sudden cold that has filled me with this slight dread, perhaps it’s because after having many friends about since I arrived here (thanks to birthday and Festival) I suddenly feel very alone or perhaps this uncertainty on several fronts (the next pay check, the script (don’t get me started and I should probably plural that one with an “s”), the man) is getting to me.

My head swirls with these and many other thoughts … patience and time will solve some of these things … but as for the rest …


One Response to “Song of the Moment [or Not …]”

  1. As I can’t make you a cup of tea or give you a hug, I shall revert to Make Somebody Feel Better Plan C: a lol-cat:

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