Hiccup

Well yes and no … I’ll get to that in a second, I thought I should explain a couple of things that I probably haven’t before …

Some of you may well wonder why I write so much of my personal life on this blog, especially given that I use my real name. Using my own name is easy, it’s horribly common, for crying out loud, there was a second Sonal Patel at my primary (elementary) school and I, in turn, was named after another one. I used to hate it, what kid wants to feel like they’re just part of the crowd? Now I love it, I love the semi anonymity it gives me. As for all of the personal stuff that I talk about here – it boils down to more personal stuff. When I had depression and I finally had the ability to actually say that I had depression, I was surprised with the number of people I knew who told me that they had suffered too, people who I thought who pretty much had everything together. They shared their tales of good and annoying counsellors, how they felt then and how they felt now – and for once, I didn’t feel alone. So when I do these sorts of posts, I hope that I’m doing the same, perhaps someone who isn’t able to talk to their friends about how they feel may stumble upon this and actually see the process of someone who may be experiencing the same things they did, and also see for themselves how it turned out.

Ok that long guff aside, I kind of want to throw this thing out there. So through an email, a friend happens to mention that David (ex boyfriend for you newbies out there) has a girlfriend … first reaction? We start with a heavy kicked in the gut kind of feeling, followed by a combo of hurt, anger then followed by tears, confusion as to why I’m feeling all of these emotions and then a sudden realisation that it’s the weekend and Lou, Kathryn and Jeremy are all offline …

Wait, wait there’s still more …

I take a deep breath and reread the email a few times. Put my headphones on, listen to the first third of Future Sex Love Sound (don’t judge me, you try and not like the first bit of that album), groove out as I clean the room for Kat’s imminent arrival …

Still more …

The family come back from grocery shopping (they were out when I read the email – thank goodness!) … by this time I’m dry, the room is clean and I start writing this blog post … we head out again to buy Bhai some new headphones.

Still more …

We get the headphones (having compared a selection to my headphones using Based on a True Story as our sample album). I depart to pick up Kat from the airport and listen to a range of Green Day and Sound Garden on the way there.

At some point as the train comes above ground, I realise that I stopped thinking about David and his girlfriend when I left the house.

In fact as I type this, I no longer care.

That’s normal, right? I’m not in denial about this all, am I?

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5 Responses to “Hiccup”

  1. enjoy the anonymity. I have lots of trouble finiding people with my name. So much so when I do it sounds wrong for me to say it.

    Thanks for opening up it hard to talk about that stuff sometimes especially when you are a kiwi. Dont know why but we kiwis hold a lot inside and dont talk. Despression is hard like a black veil you wrap yourself in to justify the misery you feel.

    Hope you well now. re-read duel and now I want to do it again. Its good as always.

  2. Depression should not be stigmatized and I know many people who battle it on a daily basis (I suspect I’m included in that category sometimes but aren’t we all?). My name is so uncommon there’s only one other person on the planet with my name as far as I know. You’re right about JT’s album, definitely a lot of killer music going on…

  3. Sigh. I long for anonymity sometimes. But I have it on the street most days. Ok, that came out all wrong. Ugh.

    As for the ex’s new gf. That’s the worst news to get. But, my experience was like yours. A couple of hours later you’re like, duh, it was bound to happen. I suppose it could be worse. You could have found out he had a girlfriend WHILE you were together. That’s happened to enough friends for me to sort of grasp the horridness.

    Anyway. 🙂

  4. Aw … you guys rock! Thank you for the comments and emails, I’m glad I’m not going crazy! Well, no more than usual 🙂

  5. I think your reaction to the gfriend is perfect – a natural bout of shock, and then it disappearing as further proof that you are well and truly over him. Don’t let the initial shock bit trick you into worrying that you’re not – YOU ARE! Anybody gets a bit taken-aback when they get news like that for the first time and out of the blue.

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