Hey God?

Look Sonal, you can’t keep talking to me if you don’t believe in me.

Well, technically that’s not true. Anyway, I just …

So you’re still deciding whether you believe in me or not?

Kind of, that’s besides the point …

Sonal, of all the religions you could have been born into, you realise that you scored the jackpot, right?

I don’t understand, do you mean how widows are treated?

That’s not me, that’s the bloody … ok, I concede that I see where you’re coming from. But that doesn’t diminish the fact that you were born into a religion that has a pantheon of my form to choose from – there are even several feminist versions of me, I don’t understand how I can’t appeal.

Uh, you’re god.

Capital G please.

Sorry, you’re God, uh, I thought you knew everything.

I’m mysterious too.

Ah, gotcha … well, no I don’t … look, I just wanted to have a word with you about the weather.

Are you going to do this a lot?

No.

I’ve see you’ve created a new tag called “Sonal talks to God”.

Oh, well yes. Those three weeks of sun were very nice.

I know.

I loved them, didn’t complain one bit about them.

Yes, I know.

So why is it cold. Wellington is having better weather than us! It’s meant to be summer here. Three weeks does not make a summer make.

You asked for sun, you got sun. For crying out loud, I have actual believers who need me

So that’s a no then?

No to what?

Giving us a proper summer?

Yes. I mean, no. I mean … oh dammit, you’ve got me confused … I should smite you.

You can’t.

Why not?

Cos I’m a lapsed Hindu, I don’t think any of the Gods in Hinduism are the smiting for no other reason whatsoever sort …

Blast!

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5 Responses to “Hey God?”

  1. Well well well… it was sunny all bank holiday weekend… should I be renewing my membership to Christianity?

    Wait, let’s test it a little bit more:

    God?
    Yes Lou?
    Can you please send me a man with curly-brown hair, sparkling eyes, a penchant for film geekdom, a loving considerate nature, a brilliant sense of humour that complements my own and doesn’t try to overbear it, and the magical ability to always be able to tell when I am being facetious?
    Um. I’ll see what I can do.
    Thanks.
    Wait… are you being facetious?
    Nope… well…
    Are you or aren’t you?
    Well, this is the comments section on Sonal’s blog. I’m hardly going to make some sort of heart-wrenching plea here.
    So you are being facetious?
    Well, at the same time I would actually quite like it this man to happen… actually, whilst you’re arranging it, can you give him a cool name?
    Like what? You mean John or Serendipity or Matheius?
    I dunno, something like Joaquin or… Wait, if you can actually pull this off – could you just have the Joaquin fall in love with me?
    Now you are being facetious.
    No, seriously – it would be totally awesome.
    Okay, I’ll try.
    Can it be sunny when it happens too?
    No. That’s asking too much.
    Okay. Sorry. Thanks.

  2. Hey God.

    Hello Sonal.

    What’s up?

    Sonal I’d like you to meet Joaquin.

    Hey Joaquin … what’s he doing here?

    He’s for Louise

    Louise? Why?

    She left a request on your blog

    Here, let me have a look at that … God?

    Yes Sonal?

    You do know she meant Joaquin Phoenix, yeah?

    Did she?

    God! You know right well she did!

    She didn’t specify

    Right there, see right there she says “could you just have the Joaquin fall in” … oh … wait, you’re right … I don’t think she’s going to be happy with you.

    Yeah … whatever …

  3. Hey God and Sonal?

    Sonal: Yeah?
    God: Yes Lou?

    You both know very well that there is only one ‘the Joaquin’.

    Sonal: Ummm…
    God: Weeeelll…

    Stop it. I want my ‘the Joaquin’.

    God: Okay. Perhaps we might need to expand the time scale on this one… can I have, say, 50 years or so?

    No. Now please.

    Sonal: I’m staying out of this one.
    God: Yeah, perhaps you should just stay atheist… sorry about all this. I was wondering why you were after some 57-year-old Puerto-Rican with an excessive hair-and-sweat problem. Right, so that’ll be one less person for Christianity. Oh well. Them’s the breaks.

    I’m not happy with either of you. What are you doing colluding together anyway? Was it you two who stole all my blue ink biros? Was it?!

    *Sonal and God back out slowing, then once they have reached the door make a sprint for it*

    Not happy.

  4. [slowing of course means slowly… damned lack of ability to edit comments… I bet that was God’s idea…]

  5. God?

    Yes Sonal?

    That was pretty funny …

    It was, wasn’t it?

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