More Navel Gazing

I think I’m doing ok.

Financial worries and threats of towel throwing aside (it’s a very big, fluffy towel that is still at the ready), I’m feeling more and more like my old self. I’m back to cracking bad jokes and laughing again. I’m as cynical and sarcastic as anything but I still believe in love and know that I will find love again. I’ve even got a big umbrella (although that’s because it was cheaper than the nice compact one that would fit in my handbag). I just need my cherry red docs and I’ll be complete!

It’s a good thing. A year ago, hell, six months ago, I wouldn’t have believed you when you told me that it was just a matter of time until the pain went away. But you were right, it doesn’t hurt any more. My heart still leaps in my mouth whenever I see a photo of David or he gets mentioned some where, but that has nothing to do with attraction, it’s more like, I don’t know, a physical reaction, irrational but I can only describe it as a type of fear, not wanting to be humilated or made to feel like shit. And considering the manner in which the relationship ended, that feeling may take a bit of time to sort itself out – it’s certainly going to be put to the test when I’m back in Wellington. Other than that, that part of my life is well and truly over and I no longer wish for the days past when everything was good because these days, life is better. And I’m a better person for it too.

So, having thanked the anonymous gents in my life, I’d like to thank you. Thanks for showing me love and understanding. Thank you for being supportive and talking me through some pretty shitty days. I hope that I can be there for you as much as you have been for me, and of course, I want you to be around for the happy times too – I hope we can have lots of those together.

Here’s to you – cheers!

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One Response to “More Navel Gazing”

  1. Wait. That’s so funny. I was away for a month and didn’t see the original Navel Gazing post, and I just read it and I was like, hey I totally just got a shout out a month ago.

    🙂

    P.S. This a physical reaction, irrational but I can only describe it as a type of fear, not wanting to be humilated or made to feel like shit is a pretty good way of describing it.

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