Daily Cerealisation: dirty creatures – Ep 6.

Playwright: Terrorist?

Leader: Only with the family included.

Dictator: It wouldn’t work without them.

Leader: Excellent, what does his (wife do?) …

Playwright: Wait, (why are you calling me a terrorist?) …

Leader: What does your wife do?

Dictator: His partner is journalist.

Playwright: I’m not (a terrorist) …

Leader: Partner?

Dictator: Yes.

Leader: Female?

Dictator: Yes.

Leader: And they have kids?

Dictator: Yes.

Leader: And they’re still not married?

Dictator: No.

Leader: That’s going to be a bit difficult to play at home … Fine, we’ll just say that you wouldn’t let them get married.

Playwright: What do you (want with my family?)

Dictator: No, you can’t do that, sir.

Leader: Yes we can.

Dictator: No you can’t.

Leader: Why not?

Dictator: Because it’s not true, it’s obviously not true.

Leader: No one will notice.

Dictator: Yes, they will. Who in their right mind is going to believe that?

Leader: Who is going to care? And even if they do, think of it as putting New Zealand on the map. It’ll be Lange in ’84 all over again …

Dictator: Oh, please.

Leader: Oxford Union Lange. Witty, charismatic … witty …

Dictator: I hadn’t thought of it like that.

Leader: That’s why you’re a deputy.

Dictator: Yes, sir, it gives me the opportunity to learn from the best … Yes, foreign powers telling blatant lies, ugly untruths, complete fiction … I think I could work that angle.

Playwright: I want to see my family.

Dictator: They’re not yours anymore 228.

Leader: Don’t be over dramatic. Nate, it’s nothing like that, of course they’re still yours. Of course you’ll get to see them.

Playwright: I want them with me.

Leader: Here? Why? Look at it from this angle: we whip your family home, where we can set them up to speak out against your treatment with TV, radio, print campaigns. We can do one of those viral email outs, better still we can do get you a Facebook or Bebo profile – start an online campaign, make it really grass roots, produce wristbands, t-shirts, funky limited edition cloth bags to get that visual out on the street. From there we start bringing out the heavy hitters: Chomsky, Pilger, Bono and me, obviously, in support these, these … these … what am I getting?

Dictator: Mother and two girls.

Leader: No sons?

Dictator: I’m afraid not.

Leader: Excellent, even better. It’s progressive. We are supporting these strong women, helping them start new lives where they will thrive and become an inspiration for other women. We’ll provide them with everything they need. Your wife …

Dictator: Partner.

Leader: Partner, yes, it’s Progressive. Your partner will have her own office with several assistants where she can write Op-Eds for our leading paper as well as guest columns for the New York Times, The Guardian, New Statesman, Sydney Morning Herald, Washington Post … oh and Al-Jazeera, they’ll really love this … Think about her Nate? Think about … What’s her name?

Dictator: Jessica.

Leader: Jessica … Jessica … Jessie? Jess. Yes, that sounds good. Jess. Think about Jess, Nate. Think about what’s best for her. You know she’ll never get an opportunity like this here. Think about her future and all that she will able to provide on her large salary.


Playwright: What does she have to do?

Leader: Do?

Playwright: For her generous pay packet.

Leader: Nothing. Not a thing at all. She is allowed to come with us and do nothing if she pleases. We wouldn’t be so vulgar to force anything upon her. Obviously, there will be some knock on effects from her just coming with us, things that are entirely independent of us. It is possible that I will be seen as a … well, hero isn’t the right word is it? It’s more like … rescuer, possibly, in some eyes, a diplomat, statesman, a true Leader who believes in diplomacy first, a peace maker, someone who didn’t need to go to war, to commit troops or unlimited amounts of tax payer’s money to achieve a result. Efficient, intelligent, wise. That’s just some of the things that may be said and who knows what prizes may follow, but honestly, we really don’t know, it’s just a side effect. The most important thing is the welfare of your family, everything else is secondary.

Playwright: You can’t take my family.

Leader: Yes I can.

Playwright: No you can’t, their not you yours.

Leader: They are now Nate.

Playwright: You just (said) …

Leader: In spirit, they will always be yours and yes, you will get to see them, but they can’t stay here. It’s not like you’re going be of any use to them for much longer.

Playwright: What do you mean?

© Sonal Patel, 2007


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