Sunday Tally double

Yes, I’ve missed another Sunday Tally mostly because there wasn’t much to write about. Let’s face facts, this is not a personal diary, it’s a blog – open for absolutely anyone to read, so as far as I’m concerned anything I write here is for public consumption with absolutely no regrets about what I may reveal on it. Of course this means while I can tell you I’m having a bit of a shitty time here in London I can’t always tell you why – but if you have seen me in the last couple of weeks you’ll know why.

What I can say: I hate where I live. I just hate it. The flat is ok, but I hate where I live and I’m trapped here for another five months until the no break clause in my rental contract ends. I still haven’t got a job which means I’m still spending NZ dollars and after a bout of the flu, which knocked me mostly out of action for a couple of weeks, I think I’m having a bout of depression (which I am totally comfortable about telling you all because I think more people need to speak about it) because I’ve had a few wild mood swings. But it’s not because I’m homesick (in 1998 it took less than a week for me to want to get on the first plane home), it’s because my living situation is sucking the joy out of me as it the fact that I’m unemployed. It’s definitely not about home, because aside from my friends, I really don’t miss it.

On the upside I am going home for Easter. Not home home just the first level of home: Birmingham. Which is a rather convenient segue into the three levels of home (and indicators of the desire for escape):

Level 1 – Birmingham, Mama’s house
Indicator – I miss being with family and I need a break from London.

Level 2 – Singapore, Bhai’s place
Indicator – I miss babies or I really need my family or I’m having a crisis of confidence about being in the UK anymore or you know, it’s Christmas/Jay’s Birthday/Aesha’s Birthday/My Birthday or I’m unemployed, sick of the cold and it’s cheaper to buy a return ticket and stay a month in Singapore than pay rent/council tax/travel cards/gas/electricity/water.

Level 3 (or red alert) – New Zealand, Maupuia, Mum, Home
Indicator – I’m sick of the UK and I’m applying for a working holiday in a completely different country or I still can’t find a job and I’ll be damned if I’m going to spend an English winter job hunting and being miserable so I’m coming home for summer because it works out cheaper to buy a return ticket then pay rent/council tax/travel cards/gas/electricity/water or I’m home, I’m home, I’m home, hello bookshelves, hello bed, I’ve missed you so much.

I doubt that the last option of level three will come into play any time soon, I just don’t miss home at the moment (although I do miss my bed). In fact more than anything, I feel a bit homeless. I’m not happy where I am now but I know that I would be even more unhappy if I went back to Wellington. It’s a weird place to be.

So as you can imagine, I’ve been trying to cheer myself up. The first part of this plan was to take a walk from the Tower along the South Bank to Waterloo station. The day was sunny and cool, the walk pleasant, the Thames quietly lapping against the bank and I got to see my favourite ever view of London …


Don’t ask me why, maybe it’s because when I see white towers, all of modern London disappears and all I see it fields, villages and a the old Tower by a river, whatever it is, it did the trick. I was buoyant until I had to go home. Since then, I’ve started going out to the theatre again, seen a movie, hung out with my friends, started writing (which is always a high for me) and tried to stay out of home as much as possible (and practicable given that I’m doing a lot of writing at the moment and applying for jobs). I think more than anything, the desire to start work (aside from the obvious cash flow boost) is a need to meet new people, do new things.

Anyway, I am doing ok. I will be fine, don’t be alarmed, I’ve just been avoiding talking about myself because I whine enough to my friends in person, I don’t need to bother them by web too …

And with that the Sunday Tally:

Number of jobs applied for: 3
An event one, another event one and a copywriting one – all in London.

Number of job rejection letters received: 1
I’m surprised to have got even that!

Number of films seen: 2
The Last King of Scotland – still shaking (and very, very concerned – could someone please intervene?)
Becoming Jane – don’t see it. Just don’t. It’s embarrasingly bad. You’ll have friend shame. Lou or Lotte may have better reviews.

Number of plays seen: 2
The Ramayana and Platanov – it’s been a long time between shows I know, but my health is back to normal and I’ve started booking the cheapest tickets available online so that for starters, I’m committed to leaving the flat and I can keep a close eye on my budget.

Celebrations of Spring: 1
Today in Regents Park with Lou and Lotte … I may just add that even though this week has enjoyed balmy temperatures of around 16 – 18C today the weather dropped 10C and it’s snowing tomorrow.


Books purchased: 9
4 plays (Sanctuary,White Open Spaces, Kneehigh’s Cymbeline and Strictly Dandia), Orghast At Persepolis – the book about Peter Brook’s production of Orghast, Wars of the Roses – the Pennington and Bogdanov book about the ESC and the last 3 are normal fiction by Hanif Kureshi, Kiran Desai and Gao Xingjian. Aside from 3 of the plays all of the others are second hand.

Grand Prix missed: 1
Like I was going to get up at 4am to watch the Melbourne GP … but ITV has highlights – hooray! Yay Alonso and Hamilton! Go McLaren! And yes, that’s possibly all the sport you’ll get from me. Oh and while I remember, the Black Caps are winning cricket?

Writing done: Daily Cereal
Thank goodness because that it saving me from going around the bend. Must start work on dirty creatures soon. And reply to emails … sorry will email you soon!


One Response to “Sunday Tally double”

  1. Louise Rae Says:

    I decided Becoming Jane deserved one sentence, and one sentence only.

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